I'm Lost!

17.11.2025

I am lost: I don't know what to write!

It is 15:28 and I have just started writing this blog. I don’t know if this is the right time or not, even the right day or not. But I have given my word and set myself this discipline to write every week, no matter what. And I must say that except for the summer holidays I have been writing 32 weeks by now. Of course the qualities of my blogs are questionable, I am not a writer, but I am trying to develop into one, because I have this need and deep desire to write this book about Somatic Dialogue.

Trying to keep the rule but failing in content? I just came back from an afternoon walk with Gigi in the park, and right now I am in the studio. During my walk I couldn’t help thinking that I have no idea what I will write about today, and I have to write today :) The weekend was very intense, but I didn’t get one single phrase onto the paper, which means I haven’t worked or written. Instead something very intimate happened to me: a deep liberation, where tears were flowing like a river and words were jolting out of the water, like little stones. I was trying to put them next to each other and slowly a sense was happening, appearing from the past. 

No, I didn't have a nervous breakdown, instead I became so vulnerable that I couldn’t do anything else but let the tears transport my words. You don’t really need to know what happened, just that it happened. This principle of surrendering to a state of being or even strong emotions is an ephemeral but strong experience. 

The more we stay there in the present,  the clearer the action gets and we can sometimes be surprised by ourselves.

As I did not work during the weekend I was wondering during my walk this morning as well as this afternoon what I will write about. And of course my inner judge immediately said: well write but it won’t be good.

As I stay in this, not knowing what to write right now my thoughts are calming down, and I remember a piece of a little text that I was asked to write for friends in Brno. It is not out yet so I cannot tell you more about it. I was commissioned to write a Prayer for these friends. So I did, however the Prayer became a poem, and during the time I spent writing my soul delighted. After having written this prayer I did it every day for a week and I saw the benefits in myself. And therefore I could also experience the flow of my own vulnerability in my body  this past weekend. 

I walked a lot in the forest this weekend and was blessed with autumn light and beauty.

I have asked a very dear friend of mine, Jat, to have a look at my Prayer and give me some feedback. Now you’ll ask who is Jat? Well you don’t know Jat? If you don’t know Jat you are surely missing out on something very special. 

Jat is NOT a Somatic Dialogue Facilitator :) He is an English teacher, a writer and a theatre director, a father and a passionate cyclist. He also has a unique love for chocolate, believe it or not, I could say he is even obsessed with chocolate. Maybe one day I’ll write more about Jat and chocolate… but right now I would say that Jat has the talent of magically turning something that you have written into a more graceful, flowing, deep text and discreetly hiding love in between the words. 

His passion for language and communication is very much like himself, he puts the care and attention into a text just like me when I create a dessert with fresh fruit, chocolate, cream and some delicate spices… I am sure if he is reading me now (which I doubt he is) he would laugh and correct me straight away!

Well Jat looked at my poem and said that he could not comment on it. But instead he suggested that he would write it thinking about this work, as if he would be doing it. The result: mind blowing. I wish I could publish it here but maybe another time I will write about the Prayers… Thank you Jat for this experience. We have a common prayer now.

Stay in this feeling a bit more Berrak and something will come up: I am not so sure about my writing performance today, I have a feeling that I am just blabbering this week, and not writing seriously. Well then it is a silly day.. gray as it is. Although today is the Struggle for Freedom and Democracy Day here in the Czech Republic, the Velvet Revolution! The Czech Republic declared its independence from Communist rule. My daughter went to the streets to participate in the walk through the centre of Prague, and I went to the studio to work: in fact to have a session with a new facilitator-to-be, as the last task of their training is to give me a session of Somatic Dialogue. 

I was taken care of, seen, witnessed and I could surrender to the lead, enjoying the pieces of music which were unknown to me. My new colleague, Rosane, accepted me as I was and something really shifted in me during the lesson. We worked on certain principles gently and ended in a joyous dynamism of the pelvis. 

This may sound odd but it was very innocent. She invited me to a really nice exercise, which I knew very well, but the way she led me into it was so unique, that I discovered something new about the movement, myself and the exercise.  I am always surprised how the eye of the other can bring out things in me that I ignored so far. 

We talked about this with her: I have been doing these exercises so many times, and I dance so much etc, but because she was looking at me and dialoguing through her heart with me, I could liberate something in my movements which was unique to that moment. I happened then and it is gone. The ephemeral nature of improvised dance is so delicate and strong. We think that we are repeating ourselves always, but actually we are not, our mind is prisoner of certain forms and therefore we think we are repeating ourselves, but if we listen really well to what is happening and if we are accompanied with the right presence, receiving the tasks to improvise on we can be surprised what comes out of our bodies.

I often witness this during the weekly online improvisation dance classes. Although I am watching most of the participants on the screen, knowing that I am watching them with interest is motivating them to improvise.  For example last week only few of them connected live (sometimes it happens that people have work and can’t connect and they get the audio recording of the lesson so that they can practice in their own time). These 4 ladies who were there improvised to their depths: we worked the slowness and the continuous flow of movement. And in this continuity the stories of their bodies unfolded. I was mesmerized by their movements and the poetry that it was evoking in my imagination. So I wrote a poem at that very moment. A poem as a product of 4 beautiful women moving to music at the same time in 4 different places of the world.

Thinking I didn't have anything to write about…now the ideas are coming. Actually I decided that I will incorporate some of the poems of Somatic Dialogue into the book. Because usually we use words to trigger the movement in the body, but then the movement also triggers new words in the mind of the witness. Finally I am happy that I did not give up writing today, because it allowed me to remember what happened during last week.

And on these words dear reader, I will leave you and free you from reading, in case you haven’t left already, I thank you for your patience to stay with me this week on this page.

I am sure that next week I will be in a better writing flow…

Please stay well

Take care of yourself

And stay in love

As love must B.